I’m going to be very honest with all of you because I keep a lot of things to myself but this past year was one of the most difficult times of my life. Since moving to LA a couple years ago there’s been things I’ve had to deal with that were completely new to me. The first and almost immediate thing was loneliness. It’s a weird feeling being in the most populated city in the world but feel alone. My first year here I moved into an apartment with 6 people I didn’t know, I was starting a new job, my girlfriend at the time was long distance, and all my friends were away at school. It was hard to adjust being by myself all the time. Most of my weekends I would go to work, come home, and play video games by myself. At first I was fine with it because alone time is nice and I was in a relationship so I didn’t feel like I needed to go out as much. But when every day is the same, it starts to wear on you. I hated being alone but after doing it so often I started to become used to it. I was wanting to go out and be social but I just couldn’t get myself to leave my apartment. I was starting to be content with being by myself even though being alone was hurting me the most.

I moved to LA to pursue an acting career and I’ve heard a bunch of stories how I’m gonna hear 100 people tell me no before I get my first yes. This was definitely true but I don’t think people realize the weight in those numbers. I would get an audition notice and think to myself this is it! This is my moment I can finally break into the industry. So I would stay up all night rehearsing the lines and how I should play the character. It was exciting. Then I’d walk into the audition room, do the scene, and never hear from them again. I was expecting to hear a few no’s but there were lots of times when I felt like I was perfect for the part and wouldn’t hear anything. It crushed me. So then my optimism turned into pessimism. Every audition I got I started to feel like I wasn’t going to get it. I wouldn’t prepare enough for it and so I’d walk in the room already mentally prepping myself for them telling me I wasn’t good enough. I felt by not caring it would be easier to deal with when they would tell me no. But, I wanted to be an actor so I had to do something. I signed up to do background acting. It was okay for a while and then it just became draining. One day I was in the holding room for 12 hours before we got on set. When we were finally called to go on set, the director decided they didn’t need us for the scene so they told us to go home. I was so mad that something in me clicked. I told myself If I keep half assing everything, this is going to be my life. I moved here to be the lead in TV shows and movies, not someone who stands in the background. So I started getting up every morning at 4am and working out. I was auditioning and getting lead roles in short films. I was also working 5 nights a week. I was doing what I was supposed to be doing all along. I was on track. Then, another setback.

My girlfriend at the time calls me and tells me we need to talk. When you hear “we need to talk” you know it’s never a good thing. As you would’ve guessed she broke up with me (if you’re reading this Nat, I would’ve broken up with me too and I’m sorry for not being honest with you about what I was going through). I’ve been broken up with before but this was different. I wasn’t ready for it to be over. This was a new hurt and I was completely heart broken. I was so upset at myself because I felt like I messed up something else in my life. I remember thinking to myself this feeling will all go away with time and in most situations that’s usually the case. Then 8 months went by and I felt exactly the same. I tried just about everything to get my mind off of it but for some reason I couldn’t shake this melancholy feeling. But, in one random day in April, my Mom calls to check up on me. After about 1 minute into our conversation she starts to get choked up. She starts saying how I’m acting different and she tells me that she’s becoming really worried about me. My Mom and I are really close so when I heard her crying about me I knew it was time to focus on myself again. I needed someone to snap me out of my funk and she’s the perfect person to do so. I started auditioning again, working out everyday, and attempting to be more social. But if you’ve been paying attention to the pattern of this story, there’s another setback.

My brother Trey, who was diagnosed with autism, was placed in a psych hospital for a week after a violent episode. This was tough on my family. If you know me personally then you know my family has been struggling with getting the right help for my brother since he was 2 years old. But this certain incident was really hard on me. I felt like I wasn’t doing my job as a big brother being away from home and not being able to help out. So I went home for a while and did as much as I could to be there for my family.

After everything was slowly becoming normal again I had to go back to LA. My lease was up in a few weeks and I had to find an apartment. Without knowing a lot of people and everyone already had a place situated, I decided to put my faith in someone I didn’t know. I downloaded an app called Roomster, which is basically like craigslist for people looking to rent a room, and I met someone who was interested in having me as a roommate. With little time left on my current lease I didn’t want to be stuck with out a place to live so I trusted that this person, who I didn’t know, was legit. I sent them a lot of money and after that, I heard nothing from them. I called the bank because I wanted to get my money bank but they said there was nothing they could do. I was stuck with no money left in my savings and my lease was up in a few days. I couldn’t move back home because my job was in LA and I felt like if I left LA, I would be giving up acting. I didn’t want to leave so for the next few months I had to couch hop. It wasn’t like what you see in the movies where it looks fun and you get to live with your friends… No. I was embarrassed. I was 23 and living out of a suitcase. I felt like this was rock bottom.

I’m sorry this was so long but I just have a hard time telling people about my problems so I wanted to highlight some moments where I felt my lowest. I’ve been depressed for the past year so in a way this is therapeutic for me. The purpose of all of this isn’t to tell a sob story and make you feel bad for me. The purpose is today is my 24th birthday! And to move forward you have to look in the past. A lot of people are going through things they have a hard time talking about and it wouldn’t hurt to make sure the people in your life are doing okay. If you’re reading this and are going through tough times I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Times may have been hard for me but this year feels like it’s going to be different. I’m going to try and have a more positive outlook on things and hopefully this will be my best year yet. My main goal is to enjoy the process and all the little things life has to offer because life is precious. It’s a blessing to be able to wake up everyday so I’m going to start taking advantage of it. Cheers to being 24🎈 

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

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